Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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