No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
