The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
