no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
