you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You pole danced in your parka.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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