just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
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