Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
