I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
