I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
