I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
