i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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