its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I stole a fireplace last night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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