I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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