It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
