I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
