i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
