you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
