Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
