I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
