Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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