My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
