I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
