It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
