So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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