That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
