well I can't set my house on fire every night
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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