You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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