her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
