she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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