I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
