I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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