wanna go halves on a baby?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
