a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
