Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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