if you like me you must not know who I am
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
