I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
