it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
