his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My Sexting was not on an AP level
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
