And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
