the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
