The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
