Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
