its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I need water and some morals
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
