Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
