Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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