know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
