i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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