That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
