So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
