so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
