If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
