When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
